Part 4 –
Our conversation about intention continues…
Why? Because communication is a function of intention.
In terms of our intimate personal relationships we can say that we have one of 2 intentions when we speak – we are either speaking to control or to relate.
So, in the previous posts we have gotten to the essence of control. Control is to prevent something from happening, or to make sure something happens in such a way that – “I gain fill in the blank, so I don’t lose fill in the blank.”
And, what is it we are ultimately trying to prevent? Well, death.
What are we afraid will die when I don’t survive? Everything I consider myself to be – in other words, our identity.
I left you last time with a question.
Consider the possibility that whenever you have gotten upset with someone, in that moment, you have confused yourself with the image of yourself. In that moment your self-image is fused with who you really are. Lets consider – who is it that is identified with this image?
What is the identity?…whatever the being considers itself to be.
How does the being go about considering itself into and identity? By what means? What do you think that is?
Have you ever asked yourself that question? Most likely not. The true mystery for us is not what is beyond the horizon, but rather, that which is most near to us. What can be nearer to us than ourselves (concealed in its obviousness)?
When it’s not going well with one of your friends, and you’re sitting there fighting with him in your head– what are you doing? – What are you using?
You’re using your mind.
We do the consideration that creates our identity with our mind, the central nervous system. Now what I am calling the mind, for simplicity’s sake, is really the-survival-based mind – more like the imigula, the brain stem, and the older reptilian brain. I’m not really talking about the cerebral cortex and all that conscious stuff here. So, just for simplicity’s sake I’m calling that the mind, the part of us that ensures our survival.
So, the being uses its mind. Then we have to ask the question: what is the purpose of the mind? Well, it’s kind of obvious: the survival of the being, or what ever the being takes itself to be. It’s as if we are not already being…. and from not-being we had to do, to be???
Ever wonder why you’re so tired at the end of the day?
The purpose of the mind: the survival of the being or whatever the being considers itself to be. Identity.
Next part, how does this happen?
Now we are going to look at how we do this.
Whatever we want to call our being – essence, presence, whatever – by what means does it come up with an identity? It uses the mind. The mind does this by considering – “who am I?” The end product of that consideration is some kind of mental image. That mental image also gives our emotions, our body contorts around it, everything… And then the being becomes identified with that image, and once it become identified with the product off the mind then we can say – I am me. I now have a me. Before I was just am-ness, and now I am “I am me.”
Since the purpose of the mind is the survival of this image, now the minds job is the survival of the image – me.
The next question is: what will the mind do to ensure the survival of this consideration? What have people done for the survival of this “me”? Anything. Anything at all.
Now, again, think about the moments when you have done something that transgressed your own values, where you snapped, made someone wrong, ect. Consider that, in those moments, something got threatened in you, and you did anything in that moment. You went against your own value system, right? And someone else has done that to you when you have threatened his or her identity. So, ultimately, when we are talking about being threatened,we’re talking about how we will do anything so ‘we’ don’t die.
So, what have you considered yourself to be?
Now, we can become identified with anything. My friend Ron was telling me about his neighbor, who basically considered himself to be his Harley Davidson motorcycle. Someone accidentally bumped into this guys motorcycle with his car, and the neighbor beat the hell out of this guy, almost killed him. He went to prison for years, ruined his life, and he had a family and everything – all because some guy bumped into his Harley. But, not to him – to him the guy threatened who he considered himself to be, and in that moment he was gone – the being was gone and he was his mind. And his mind went on a rampage.
We’ve all done this in some form, because we all have an identity. So, the question is, what has you become identified with?
Some people are identified with their clothes, others with their car…and, a lot of the time we are more identified with a more subtle level of experience – like control or power or being loved, more subjective things. All you need to do to know what you’ve identified with is to ask yourself: what do you feel threatened by the loss of? Anything your threatened by the loss of you have some sort of identification with, some sort of attachment.
So, where do you need to look to find out what you have identified yourself to be? Answer: Whatever person, place, thing, circumstance, situation, idea, or event that consistently upsets you.
All you gotta do is look there.
What are the things you avoid at all costs because they upset you?
Those circumstances threaten something – consider that they threaten your fundamental consideration called – me.
Another place to look: What can someone say to you that there is a $ back guarantee that you’ll get pissed off? What is it that people can imply about you – that, if they do that then they are history in your world?
What is it, if your seen as fill in the blank or not seen as fill in the blank , that you’ll either fight, or take your marbles and go home?
That, right there, I would have to say, is the biggest one. If I am an image – ok, an image is only an image because it presupposes someone who sees it – right? Imagine if you were bind and you were the only person on the planet, and your had a camera. That wouldn’t make any sense, would it? Because if you took a picture, there would be no one to look at it – something isn’t an image until a viewer views it.
So, if you consider yourself to be an image – maybe you consider yourself to be a good person, maybe you consider yourself to be a loving person, intelligent person, smart, ect. – What happens when someone doesn’t give you that reflection? What happens when you are not recognized for whatever it is you consider yourself to be you? What is that like for you?
Is it like – fine, ok, and its fine either way.
Do you hate that?
That is what I call narcissistic hurt. It touches on the fundamental injury to the identity. Now, the question is – how does the mind ensure the survival of a concept/self image? We become fused with this image, unconsciously. How does the mind go about ensuring the survival of the image? How does it do it?
One of two ways.
The first way is with the strategic self. This is your ace in the back pocket; it’s your preventative strike. It’s a way of being, something you consistently do to make sure and prevent the loss of your identity. Its preventative.
The second one is just your default way of being shitty. And we all have our version of this – some will attack and control, others will leave, some will be silent, some stoic, some cry…we all have our own predictable way of being shitty. Ask your family; ask your friends – we’ve all got that. This is our default if the strategic self doesn’t work. So, the ultimate way that the mind ensures the survival of our identity is by making sure you are what…?
If I am a concept/image, how does the mind ensure that this image, concept, point of view survives?
By being RIGHT.
Have you ever had a fight/conflict with someone where you were ok with not winning? If you have, those are moments where you have broken the grip from your mind and identity. But, usually what we do is fall into some form of victim self-righteousness. Anything that threatens your being right is wrong – right?
So, when you get triggered – is your first instinct to go – huh? Interesting. As I notice my heart unfolding, looking to the tender spot in the place that got triggered that I am ultimately the source of…what a beautiful opportunity to get to know myself more!
Is that what happens when you get triggered? That’s not what happens when I get triggered. I go into battles – at least in my mind. I start vying for a case in my head.
Think about it, if you’ve ever had an argument in your mind with someone while your driving alone in the car – if your alone in the car just going back and forth with yourself – what is that? And every time you win it just adds momentum to this growing resentment.
What is the mind doing in that moment? You’re not even with the person you have a problem with. Its feeling threatened, so it’s having a conversation with itself over and over and over again – making sure that your right.
What are you right about?